By Ann M. Martin. Published December 1991.
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| Well...I wouldn't really classify it as a national disaster... |
So. There was a blizzard. It snowed 23”, and there was a
wind chill of minus eight. We learn all this from the first page, which is a
“copy” of the front page of The Stoneybrook News. But this is not good enough for
our very own Kristy Thomas. She writes a letter to the editor, complaining that
there were no human-interest stories. I HIGHLY doubt that there wouldn’t be any,
but whatever. Kristy and the BSC are here to save the newspaper’s journalistic
integrity. Kristy says all her friends had interesting stories, and they’ve
written down their experiences. And Kristy is offering up to the paper. And if
they want to pay her, that’s cool.
So let’s back up a few days. Kristy is scoffing at the
weatherwoman (she refuses to say weathergirl),
who is projecting snow, yet again. So Kristy thinks about the upcoming Winter
Wonderland dance instead. All the girls have dates. I think this is the first
time Bart is officially referred to as her boyfriend. Oh, and Karen loses her
rat, Emily Junior. Good going, Karen.
Holy shit, y’all. Kristy decides to cancel their Wednesday meeting;
everyone is too busy that day. But never fear, Claudia will be there and take
messages. Thank goodness.
Dawn is all kinds of excited. Jeff is coming on Wednesday to
spend Christmas with them. Then both he and Dawn are going back to California,
where she’ll stay until New Year’s. Unfortunately, when she talks to Jeff, he’s
developed a random fear of flying.
Mary Anne and Mal have a big job ahead of them. Mr. and Mrs.
Pike are spending Wednesday in New York City. They’ll get up at five in the
morning to catch the train, and won’t return until about two on Thursday
morning. They are going to be fucking exhausted. So Mary Anne is spending the
night both Tuesday and Wednesday. And Mrs. Pike mentions she really needs to
get to the store, but there’s enough for two breakfasts and a dinner. I’m sure that won’t cause any problems. And snow
is being predicted again, this time for Wednesday.
By Wednesday afternoon, there is still no snow. And Stacey,
for one, is thrilled. She had plans to go Stamford to the mall to get her hair
freshly permed. But, her mother hates driving in snow, so if there had been
any, they weren’t going. Everything goes well until they’re paying, when
someone enters the salon, covered in snow.
Kristy isn’t quite sure what do with herself without a
meeting to go to. Then she has the Great Idea™ to invite Bart over to watch
some movies and dinner. He’s surprised, but gladly accepts. The two movies
Kristy chooses are Uncle Buck and Back to the Future. Um. Has Ann seen Uncle Buck? There’s some racy shit in
that movie. I have a very clear memory of seeing it in the theater and my mom
covering my eyes. But good for her for choosing some more timely movies, I
guess.
Anyway, Kristy is pretty adorable stressing out over whether
to sit right next to Bart, or what. But then her little brothers and sisters
start being annoying, and bothering them, and no adults seem to give a shit.
Jesus, Kristy is always taking care of them, let her have some time to herself.
But they finish the movies, and have dinner, where her family embarrasses
Kristy some more. Then Karen looks outside and announces it’s snowing.
Y’all are not going to believe this. But Jessi is not dancing the lead role of the Sugar Plum
Fairy in The Nutcracker! Instead
she’s playing the Rat King. Although she calls it the King of the Mice.
Whatever, Jessi, it’s the Rat King, and we both know it. Anyway, I guess she
got that part because there can only be one over-the-top event for each girl.
And Jessi’s event is that Quinn is coming to spend a few days with her family.
What. The. Fuck. They are ELEVEN years old. That is way too young to being
doing this serious relationship shit. *deep breath* Ok. So Jessi’s in
rehearsal, and Quinn is on the train. Jessi’s dad will be picking him up first,
then Jessi. But, the secretary comes in and says it’s snowing like crazy, and
parents are calling saying they’re having trouble getting there. Jessi’s dad is
one of them; he’s stuck in Stoneybrook. No parents show up at all.
The Pike kids are pissed when there’s no snow Wednesday
afternoon, but are thrilled when it starts snowing that evening. They think
they may even get out of school the next day. That’s really all that happens.
It’s snowing by the time Dawn and her mom leave to pick up
Jeff at the airport. And it gets treacherous pretty quickly. They slide off the
road and lightly bump a mailbox. Sharon swears, and Dawn is shocked! On the
highway, they narrowly avoid an accident with an eighteen-wheeler. They’re
upset because they’re late, never thinking that Jeff’s plane may be delayed.
Stacey and her mom make light of the snow situation when
they first leave the mall. That is until they almost get into an accident, and
fishtail across a few lanes. That’s when Maureen decides it would be best to
get off the highway. So they get on a small little road, and Stacey annoys her
mother by repeatedly asking if she knows where she is. Finally, Maureen just
stops on the side of the road, which is deserted, to wait for the snow to let
up. After half an hour, she decides it’s not going to, and they should get
going again. But… the tires just spin. They’re stuck.
Back at the mansion, Watson suggests Bart wait a while for
the snow to let up, and then he’ll drive him home. Bart says he can walk, but
they won’t hear of it. So they all have dessert. When Bart says he really
should go, they check outside, but can’t get the storm door open. The snow is
piled high against it. So, no driving or walking. Kristy’s mom suggests Bart
spend the night, and he accepts. Kristy is mortified. Seriously, my favorite
part of this book is Kristy being so uncomfortable and out of her element.
Bart calls his dad, and when he’s about to hang up, the
phone goes dead. Immediately followed by the power going out. Oh shit. Things
just got real. Since there’s not much else to do, they all go to bed. Kristy is
freaking out! She locks her door, because she’s afraid of Bart sleepwalking
into her room. She unlocks it later, though; she’s not allowed to have it
locked. And then she’s horrified at the thought of Bart seeing her in her
natural morning state, so she sets her alarm for 5:30.
Claudia (remember her? Yeah, she’s still part of the story)
sits for the Perkins girls after handling the BSC calls on her own. It’s just
starting to snow when she crosses the street. Mr. and Mrs. Perkins are going to
their friends’ house, way out in the country. Claudia doesn’t realize how bad
the snow is until much later, when Mr. Perkins calls. They tried to leave, but
had to turn back; the roads were just too bad. So he asks if Claudia can spend
the night. What is she going to say? “No, sorry. The girls are on their own!”
But she’s excited about it, of course. She calls her mom to let know, and she’s
good with it. The girls tell the cats goodnight, but they can’t find Chewy
anywhere. Claudia goes to call her parents to see if they have a suggestion,
but the phone goes out. And then the power.
Dun-dun-DUN!
Will they all make it through the storm? Will Stacey go into
diabetic shock, stuck in the car? Will the Pike kids turn into cannibals? Find
out tomorrow in Part Two!
o
On the return address for her letter to the
editor, Kristy is Ms. Kristy Thomas.
That seems really self-important for a thirteen-year-old, but I suppose we’re
lucky it’s not Madame President.
o
Stacey lets us in on a beauty secret. You’re
supposed to look natural, like you’re not wearing makeup or have had your hair
done. No kidding! But I admit, I often thought about this advice from Stacey
growing up. But Stace, I’ll let you
in on a secret. Your hair is not going to look natural for the dance like you’re
hoping. There is nothing natural
looking about a fresh perm.
o
The timeline for Kristy’s afternoon and evening
has always confused the hell out of me. She gets home from school and does her
homework. She calls Bart. She goes to the video store. Bart arrives, and they
watch two movies, which have a combined running time of three hours and
forty-six minutes. All before dinnertime.
o
So this is where Karen introduces us to sweater
pants. She was ahead of her time, y’all. I Googled sweater pants, and this is
what I got:
Oh, ok then. I had wondered what
these were called when I saw the kids (god, I’m old) wearing them. However, I
don’t think this is what Karen had in mind.
I think hers were more along this
line:
It’s time, y’all. IT’S TIME.
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